Author: theLEWSstring

My Life Has A Purpose, Inc.

I was asked to write a blurb for a non-profit twice. It’s so crazy where time takes us. After reading the excerpt, I was in the brink of what i didn’t know was happening at the time… DIVORCE! Clueless I was, but what has been craziest is seeing how many times I have cried out in between. Whether it was writing prayer requests for Church, social media postings, blogging, or simple notes in my phone. It is like my spirit knew, but my flesh did not. Creepy!

I was later asked to resend my works, but I had to modify it because chileeee since then, life made a whole woman out of me. Here is the renewed version:

“Life is worth living whether times are good or bad. Sometimes we allow our pressures or setbacks to dictate our faith or throw us off our hiatus, but those situations are just that… pressures and setbacks. Without the trying moments or moments of confusion, we would not know the true beauty of life nor feel nearly as accomplished as we do in our greatest moments. Everyone is not granted the feeling of entitlement. No matter how alone you feel or think that you are, you are not. There is always someone willing to extend a helping hand, but you have to let them. Let people help you. I get that your personal business is your business but sometimes it is hard to get the appropriate help without truth. Stop relying on the wrong people for advice and leaning on those that condone your foolishness or are your “yes” man or hype man. Not everyone wants to see you soar. Some love to see you down and not rise above; especially not above them.  Allow those that genuinely care for you to be there. If they do not say exactly what you want to hear… Who cares! Maybe that is a good thing. It may be what you need to hear. If something makes you too comfortable, it is not challenging you. Lean on someone who makes you feel the fire. Someone who wants to see you flourish, push you to accomplish the unthinkable, or know your worth. We all need help or have needed someone in some type of way. Even those that physically appear to have it all together have had to rely on someone at some point of time or maybe that is how they “have it all together”.
If someone tells you that they have never ever benefited from the assistance of someone or something, DO NOT BELIEVE THEM! This is life and our job is to serve. And funny but true, some people try to help even when they are not asked. I call that unsolicited advice, but in some cases, God uses them to get a point across and with obedience it makes staying mute a challenge. For many, it is so easy to “mind their business”, but for those that are trying to create positive change in the world, it is hard. In the Bible it says, “For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” [Ecclesiastes 4:10-12]
By no means am I perfect nor do I strive to be. I am a sinner. I have made bad decisions. I have had shortcomings. I have dealt with rejection, abandonment, broken promises, feeling worthless, watered down, and even made a fool of. I have experienced anxiety, depression and stress. Being overwhelmed has become life for me as I am juggling being full-time support for self and my 3 year old daughter. My plate is always full. I have more debt than I ever wanted to have. My extended siblings and I have horrible relationships. My marriage failed. My relationship with God can be even stronger. Addiction runs in my family. I too question and asked, “what if”or “why”? I am normal. I am like you. We are human! 
We all are trying to secure life, whether it is in regards to our finances, love life, family, relationships, education, health, personal needs/wants, or our spirituality. Know that you are not alone. I am an extremist of independency, but over this past year I have to remind myself daily that is okay to ask for help because I need help. Getting help is relieving. Well, at least it is supposed to be. I am so used to tackling things alone and struggling in silence that It has not become a breath of fresh air. My brokenness has not fully allowed it to be that, but the feeling is underway. It is birthing… I feel it. There is no better feeling than knowing you have a cheerleader cheering you on, a partner holding you accountable, or someone there to assist when times get rough. Always remember, “Closed mouths don’t get fed”. It is time to ask for help. It is time to reach higher heights and the fun part is, you do not have to be alone. Loneliness is a choice. There is always somebody that cares. It just has to be the right person.
-Demi Lewis, the Lews String”

 

It’s Me Again!

Well, hello.

It’s me again!

Busy as can be. Sorting through change. Embracing my new life. Prioritizing my needs, wants, desires, and Little Miss Rose.

I need to begin writing more. I plan to come back because I miss this. I am sure after all of the trial, error, and changes I have endured this year, my works will be more bold, juicy, and interesting.

See you soon!

It is NOT over if you LEWS yourself

My past was so immature. I am loyal, so even if it meant putting myself and my happiness last, I was willing to do that for the rest of my life. God did not want that for me. He watched me suffer every single day! He urged me to leap and break-free. I was dying. Mentally, physically, and emotionally.

I left.

Then, I dated.

Complete fails. No one was serious. Everyone was stagnant. Pained. Or immature. Married. Liars.

Months later, God sent me you.

Life has not been the same since.

I am getting me back. NOT the old me because she is no longer and I don’t want to be her. She was a successor but too naive, a pushover, not a powerhouse. She grew through some shit so she’s ready. A magnified version of THAT GIRL is what I thrive to be.

Now, I am ready to shake back and possess similar qualities but be a whole beast. It’s in me. And when I wake completely… IT IS OVER. I am coming for what’s mine.

Thanks to you.

I never want to LEWS you. Just don’t hurt me. Don’t lie to me. It’s too hard to deal with after all I have encumbered.

My hope.

You’ll lews me.

There is a season for everything. This past season, I experienced extreme change and grief, but in the midst of, I vowed to myself and God that I would not allow it to alter me as a person and only raise the bar of my self-love, respect, and value. I lost a man that I held close to my heart, but it’s okay.

I kept wanting to tell him, keep on… you’ll lews me, but I was never confident enough to say it. With my level of loyalty and commitment, I’d tolerate and tolerate to avoid altering my daughter’s life. You never know the effects of extreme change until they are underway.

Until enough was enough. I left. It was worth the risk.

Since my departure, dating has become a thing. I quickly learned that setting basic rules for myself was a necessity. My previous rules have changed and the present ones are not conditional. My immature, naive self has progressed. I’m not THAT GIRL anymore. I have boundaries. Standards.

They are as stand:

-If you are not going to be honest, communicate, nor comprehend… leave me alone.

-If you are going to bring me more disturbance than peace… leave me alone.

-If you’re going to be chasing multiple women or pursuing someone, only to make me feel like you are for everybody… leave me alone.

-If you are toxic, broken & unfixable, or lost… leave me alone.

These aren’t all of them, but the main ones that I begin with. If you cannot do the things above… you’ll LEWS me. So no need to worry about the others.

Off limits

Never do I ever question a woman’s motherhood. Period. So if someone ever told you I did, know it’s a lie. It is OFF LIMITS.

Now, there are some things I don’t agree with BUT unless the child is endangered, I don’t speak on it. Folks think they know but don’t know the half. Babies come with no instructions and you wing momming the best way you can. You evolve from self to complete selflessness. The sacrifice is real. I did not experience postpartum depression, but I have carried a lot of responsibility since the birth of NR, so I cannot imagine having to carry weight and experience this. I swear mothers are TRUE SUPERHEROES. Unsung heroes.

Check on your mommy friends, they can use a push. All moms can. Y’all rock! I could go on and on but I’ll stop here. ❤️

To question my motherhood will send me on a rocket and make me a LEWS STRING. Why? Because motherhood is the one thing in life that is sooooo sacred to me. I try my best daily not to blow it. I try my best to make sure my kid amounts to everything but does not stand for anything. I am trying to birth a leader, a world changer, a person of stamina. A woman. Even though I am not the best, I thrive to make sure that she is, even though us humans are flawed. She will not be flawed by my decisions or lack of sacrifice. God gave me this gift with confidence that I will take care of it. And I vow not to let him down.

Nyla Rose the Great is underway.

Stay Desirable

Being a woman is work. When you are a wife, you try your best to keep it right and tight for your man.

In my case, silk presses aren’t cheap. Thankfully Tasha graces this temple for 50 bucks but silk press prices are steep the longer your hair is. Brazilians are $50+. Toes are about $30 bucks and a manicure is $15. I almost forgot to mention, eyebrow threading costs $12. Mascara (which is about $10 for a decent one) will have to suffice because after all of that, I cannot afford to get lashes. Those are the outer beauty essentials but that does not include eating clean and working out.

Now let’s compare a man’s expense. On an average, a man’s haircut is $18 and that includes the beard and all. Clothes are not even being factored into this because I believe that men and women can potentially break even in this. I am trying to see what else….

I cannot think of anything.

It’s just not fair.

What about me?

When you become a wife, you have to become a little selfless. When you become a mother, self is not even in the equation. Let’s just say… I did not let myself go, but I definitely have not been keeping myself up as I should.

Since the birth of my daughter, I have adopted sinus problems and have been battling with chronic iron deficiency. For the past three months I have been going to the cancer center (sounds serious, huh?) for iron pushes with hope to gain energy and answers to my lack balance of my iron and ferritin levels.

It gives me anxiety so bad that I have had two panic attacks in the past two weeks because I am so worried about something being wrong with me or the thought of my child not having a mother. I know you are thinking, you will die from worrying yourself way faster than you will from your condition. Which is right, but you have to understand that prior to childbirth I barely battled with a headache. So to me, this is drastic.

In the midst of, I have grown a strong desire to capitalize on beauty and wellness. Since my outer appearance is so so, except for the random zits that pop up here and there, and my inner self is all out of whack, I have asked myself, “What can I do to get myself under control?”

Brandon and the baby are taken care of, but what about me?

-xoxo Demi Lew

T•H•A•N•K•F•U•L

I am thankful that I learned:

1. To be open to others opinions and ideas.

2. To work hard, even if it goes unnoticed.

3. That everyone is not going to like you.

4. To be a lady and possess self-respect.

5. That “lose lips sink ships”.

6. That trusting God is going to help me get through this journey called Life.

7. That faking it until you make it is LEGIT and okay.

8. That friendly people are not always “friendly”.

9. That favor is not fair.

10. That quitters never win.

11. That my immediate family from Papa to Kylei is down to ride until the very end.

12. That marriage is not a walk in the part.

13. That motherhood is a challenge but one of the most beautiful things that I would ever witness.

14. That panic and worry are distractions.

15. That some days you may fall short, but you have to keep trucking.

16. That when people are guilty they get distant.

16. That waking up every morning is God’s grace and a privilege.

17. That is okay to be weird and deemed the “underdog” at times.

18. Forgiveness is a gift; a REALLY challenging gift.

19. What you resist, persists, but sometimes silence is the best answer.

20. That sometimes less is more.

21. That I cannot allow what I go through to dictate my character.

22. That situations and circumstances are just that and that they do not declare what my future holds.

23. That chains can be broken.

24. That I do not have to be a statistic.

25. That there is no need to compete, because what god has for me is for me.

26. To have poise and class.

27. That the devil attacks at your happiest and proudest moments, but resilience is key.

28. That first impressions are truly lasting impressions.

29. To love my mother and father no matter the circumstance because you only get one.

30. That some things are not worth mending.

31. That people only know what you tell them.

32. The tongue is one of the most powerful parts of the body.

33. That life is truly what you make it.

34. That hurt people, hurt people.

35. That knowledge is power.

36. That everyone deserves a second chance.

37. Self-love is the best love.

38. When pieces of the puzzle are shattered, it is up to you to fix them.

39. That you cannot consult in man for guidance and that God has endless answers.

40. You must be the change you wish to see

41. To not take it personal and that some people truly have issues.

42. Courage is not the absence of fear.

43. That solitude is okay.

44. That the God die young.

45. That people never forget how you make them feel.

46. To do unto others and they do unto me.

47. That jealous and envy are real.

48. Morning my devotion is encouraging and capable of setting the tone of your day or week.

49. It is okay to LET GO.

50. Without starting somewhere, you will get nowhere.

51. Not all things can be rushed.

52. When someone is grieving, your words may not be as powerful as your presence.

53. You are not going to like people, but you owe them respect at the least.

54. Life pressures can truly affect a persons character.

55. Everybody does not love the same.

56. Lessons are forever.

57. That wearing glasses hide blemishes and dark eyes. Or maybe that’s just how I feel.

58. That I can be anything I want to be with prayer, persistence, and practice.

59. To be mindful how I treat people because you never know what they are going through.

60. That truth is not easy to come by. Value those that are real with you and that do not condone your foolishness or you making a fool of yourself. Value those that guide you.

61. That life is not forever and to love of my people while they are here.

62. That people love to play victim when they are the suspect.

63. Make every stage of life a lasting memory.

64. That pretending will take you to a sunken place.

65. That you cannot wear the burdens of others.

66. It is okay to say “NO”.

67. That people make time for what they want to make time for.

Restoration + Recovery

When I say he is an on time God.

I mean it.

Today, my family and I visited a new church. Baby Bryson was being christened which lead us to Cornerstone Church. Lately I have been on a spiritual trip. I have been feeling so B•E•Y•O•N•D situations and people. I have walked away from situations, feelings, and relationships that I plan to never revisit.

Today, I received even more confirmation, which has left me even more confident about my decision to remove toxicity and the undeserving.

That does not mean that I have it completely together and everything is in order; it just means that I am working. Working on becoming a better me.

Senior Pastor Freddie Washington fed my spirit and capitalized on being connected to the right people. He stressed that we need people in our lives that will make themselves enemies of our disfunction. Not people (“an accomplice”) that condone our disfunction.

An accomplist is defined as someone that is your partner in crime. Someone that helps you do what you do. They help make what you are doing okay.

We need people in our lives that knows that we are better than what we are dumbing ourselves down to be. They help defy our disfunction.

He then stressed how it was time to change some things up. It dawned on me; I gained understanding of why God was leading me every which of way… giving me the urge to dissect… the hunger to be cleansed of toxicity and the undeserving. New seasons can sometimes declare an upgrade in friendships, relationships, and accomplices. As chaotic as it seems, we have to be patient with the process. It is not for us to always fully understand what God is doing. Sometimes he rids things or alters things to prepare us for our next best thing.

He said, “Many of y’all have kept some people in your life whose time has run up.

Seasonal people. Time up. Significance up.

Season’s up.”

Glory to God! We fight to stay in our comfort zones so we continue to tolerate even in the midst of being 1000% unsupportive of something. We try to save feelings. Save dead relationships. Safe love that’s been gone. And love that never lived there.

That is what you should expect when you are on the road to restoration + recovery.

-xoxo Demi Lew